If I could write a letter to God
But what to write. The articulation of a myriad thoughts, put into words. Given form and hope that they breathe. I'm worried, I'm confused. I don't know where to go, what to do, how to turn, how to proceed. My paths are blackened before me, my eyes see nothing more than the next step, and not the end. I don't know where the next step leads, whether to salvation or another endless circle.
People chronicle many things in blogs. Sex lives, real lives, made believe lives, and everything else in between. Prayer is articulating everything vocally. Perhaps inwardly. So let me articulate myself in words. Words I can turn back to and serve as a record and progress meter of my life.
I'm scared. I take too long to start and don't know how to start up a story. Yet I need a story to write, in order that the script is started. I'm scared. I need more work, more paid work, so I can pay off my bills and earn money rather than just depending on others. I'm not in debt but I need a steady flow of work, of income. How much more must I go before I hit rock bottom? I am in a land where I do not understand the way it works. I'm walking into doors which are shut and I have no way of opening them. I'm in an industry where people are prejudiced against me from the beginning whenever I try to apply for something. So what can I do?
How can I improve myself and get that chance that's been eluding me? How can I be at the right place at the right time unless God sets it up for me? Will I even be able to see it and know it?
So God, what should I do? How can prayer help me if I do not take the step of faith and ask for a job. A proper job, or work to come in so the bills can be paid? So I'm asking for a job in the industry. Barring that, a place in the school I applied to where I can learn more and continue to improve myself. Event films are not my thing and people don't even want to pay the money anyhow, despite the amount of work put in.
A lot of it sounds like whining. Probably it might be. But at this stage of life, if the door doesn't open by a miracle. It probably never will. Alien in a foreign land.
And yet, maybe that's why people cling onto God, because of the hope, real or perceived, that is given. Read a verse in the bible and the truth hits you back in the chest, daring you to dispute it. Because it's truth, not fiction. Maybe because that's all people have to cling to, for hope and for a better tomorrow.
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”