Delirium

I'm delirious. Not in a good kind of way but in the I'm so tired but I've still got these things to do" sort of delirious. I should really get my body clock sorted. I read this in a magazine about Landscape photography that it's not to get the right moment by fortuitous luck in most occasions and then rush to prepare everything, but to plan and wait for it, so when it comes, I'll be ready to take that perfect picture.

I guess this could apply to everything in life. Sure, luck plays a part in everything, but I guess good old-fashioned planning, practice and grinding works too. If I was perpetually lucky, I'd never need to do anything and it would be there for me.

So I guess this means I have to keep doing the jobs I do, slowly preparing myself and working until that big break comes. Preparation is key. If I'm not even properly prepared, there's no way I'm going to be working at peak performance. So I'll have to write even if I don't feel like writing. Edit when I don't feel like editing.

Sure, art is about creativity and feeling and freedom, but I have to nail it in my head that art is also about discipline. Perhaps it's the hardest form of discipline that there is, because you don't get to see the rewards for a substantial time. Perhaps not even in your lifetime at all. But yet we persist, we keep at it, because deep down, we choose to believe that if we keep trying, surely one day, surely that door will open, that opportunity will come. But if we aren't prepared, then we'll surely implode as many others have done so.

No, even though I'm not anywhere I want to be yet, I'm not giving up, because this is preparation. My work might not be the best, but it's slowly and steadily improving. And that, in itself, is encouragement to me, that the road and dream hasn't exactly ended yet.

So I may be delirious, but let it be a good delirium.