Cold Front

It looks like it's going to be a really cold winter again in Germany, what with the weather going crazy again, from the warmest November on record, Mr Weatherman has decided to be a little sick SOB and go all cold on me. It's strange, but the cold has a wierd effect on me. I guess it's a choice of either hot humid and stifling or cold freezing and dreary. Hah, talk about mental attitudes. Bear in mind though, that in winter the choice of clothing for most women are thick jackets, it takes quite a bit of dressing to make them curvacious, not like in summer when not much is left to the imagination, mmmm hmmm.

For those with no experience with the cold, it's nice at first, when the fascination is still present. If there's any evidence of snow, it gets better because snow gives a certain impetus for one to ignore the cold altogether. "Oh look, it's snow, wow, it's so pretty, wheeee" However, after being through close to 10 winters now, - dammit, is it 10 already? Time goes by too quick - I think I've lost quite a bit of fascination with the cold weather. Now I'm beginning to understand the europeans who're stuck in colder climes who yearn for warmer weather. Brrrr.

Of course, you have to combine it with the incesscant German knack for handicrafting their own things. Normally I don't mind, but when some people decide that "sculpting" is their thing and start hacking away at the walls/block of wood/dead pieces of meat with such force that the whole flat can hear them, then something is wrong. Seriously wrong, because this isn't the first time I've faced this problem. It was the same back in Munich. Wierd people, these germans. So I've to wake up thanks to the hammering of the guy living downstairs and to face the cold in a pair of shorts - cold drafts ain't pretty, try to imagine it. Such is the habit dressing for summer in a land already in winter.

Dual Polarity

Men are strange creatures. One moment I'm all alive and chirpy, the next, I'm suddenly broody and silent. The duality in my own personality never fails to amaze and scare me at the same time. I'm afraid of myself, of my own private demons I keep locked inside which keep trying to claw themselves out. One funny thing about Casino Royale, it lets me see that all men have their armor on, even though it was paraphrased in the movie to one man, I feel it is generally spread out to the rest of us men. Do we really need to put on that armor that covers us? Or do I choose instead of let someone else cover me? Someone who's infallible to cover me up when I'm cold, tired, lonely and hungry and needing a break in life.

I checked out some personality tests just out of curiousity and instead of enlightenment - of which I didn't expect to find any - I end up more confused. How the hell does someone have an almost equal balance of all types. It would have been so much easier to have one primary and one secondary temperament. But no, I've got to get it all balanced. Well almost, other than a main Sanguine element which, by far isn't really very much, the rest are neck and neck. Maybe that's why I feel so confused with my own behaviour for the last 10 years. But I do know, sometimes, fear keeps my heart in check when I should be just going out there and just doing it.

I hate fear, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of everything that could happen, a la Murphy's Law. That's why I need someone to cover me when I'm afraid. Deep inside all men, we are children wanting to be rescued. More so for those who didn't grow up with a strong parental atmosphere. I don't know if I'll make a good dad one day. But I guess I'll learn as it comes along. One thing though, I'll do my best to make sure family comes first, even if it is hard and maybe I'll fall and fail sometimes, I'll still choose to believe that grace is more than enough to cover me and my family.

Maybe that's why there's the bible, maybe that's why we're all innately interested about spirituality at the end of the road and day. Because we can't answer all of life's questions through intellect. That maybe somewhere, somehow, there lies an unanswered question of "what ifs" at the steps of death's door.

Belief.

To take away my own duality and look on someone's divinity.

If anyone gets a chance to listen to Jars of Clay - Good Monsters Album, check out the tracks "Light gives heat" and "Water flows under the bridge". It's good stuff.

Casino Royale

Having watched James Bond ever since A View to a Kill in 1986 - I think it was then - when I was only a weee lad of 10, I've tried my best to catch every Bond movie since then. Many have said that Casino Royale was a new beginning in the franchise, sort of like what Marvel have done with their comic series characters. For those who don't know, Casino Royale is set in the beginning which showed how Bond became Bond. This is a Bond who's dark, gritty, and shows more cuts, bruises, dirt, etc etc etc. than the previous Bonds so far and it shows.

In fact, the first scene is shot in grey almost like it's supposed to be a memory we're watching. The movie loses much of it's double edged humour in this incarnation but provides more wordplay between Bond and the other characters, most notably Eva Green who plays his love interest. Instead of the witty one-liners with double meanings there is now notable banter, comebacks, etc. that last longer than your average 5 seconds. Maybe the production team wanted a Bond - who is more intelligent, calculating and analyzing than before. Nonetheless it's a very obvious shift from the past.

One thing though, I think Eva Green gets stuck with the tragic characters, like in Kingdom of Heaven. The final scenes were interesting because I'm still wondering how they shot the underwater scene. Maybe it was CG in the end with the building and the lift but it looked like chaos in there. The only drawback would be the movie's length. The first action scene took like 15 minutes. Then another airport chase. Then the casino where there are fights/Scares aplenty. Then the final scenes where there's another *surprise* firefight, and at the end I got bored of all the action. Action is good, but too much is..... well it becomes boring and mundane.

Some things I was a little disapointed about though, was the fact that it was hinted to have more scenes for Ivana Milicevic who plays the Villian's girlfriend but there were not many other than her screaming - which was a total letdown. Speaking of the Villian, Le Chiffre, it turns out he's quite a crap villian who only knows how to do two things well. Act menacing and beg for his life like a wuss. Pretty crap for a villian if you ask me. Perhaps they should have taken some more time to work on his character to flesh it out a bit. The plot is complicated, much more than most Bond plots in the past, and that's a nice plus, but again, too much action clogs it up such that by the end of the movie, I was thankful it ended so I could finally go home. Another minus of such a complicated plot is the fact that there are so many characters that each could perhaps been developed more but in with the lack of time, there was no possibility so what we get are 2 dimensional people doing certain roles and not much more.

Judi Dench as M still kicks ass in this movie, and I have to say she has a great screen presence - almost overpowering - in the scenes that she's in with Bond especially after he seems to know everything about her. I missed Q and R though. No more crazy crackpot inventors from the labs with malfunctioning equipment. :(

I'd give it 6 or 7 out of 10 tops after some reflection but to each his own.

On another note, I saw the trailer for Smoking Aces and the Departed which should prove to be good. I'm hoping I get to see the Departed before leaving for the UK because it looks really really good.

A Farmer's Best Friend

Today I was thinking of watching the new James Bond movie, but after looking at the packed cinema list on the internet, I decided against it and so I'll be going tomorrow where I'll have the cinema all to myself and a few other people. It's great when one can be flexible and not restrict the times to just the weekends, though that's probably the most understandable time of all for most people.

Instead, I watched a show at home just because of the strange content. It's called "Bauer sucht Frau" in German and in English, it's translated to, "Farmer looks for a Wife". Yes, it's a matchmaking show for farmers. I wonder what sort of tests they make these peospective women do. "Honey, could you shovel out the dung? My back is acting up again today" or "Make sure you take the cows out to pasture up the hill at 5am", not mentioning that the hill in question is 1 km high. Ah yes, it's a farmer's life. Strange show, and even more so, stranger people who allow themselves to be filmed in pajamas, tights, and animals all put together. The link is here if you're really interested in it. Be warned - it's in icky German.

But back to Bond. I hope Casino Royale is good because I've gotten used to Pierce Brosnan as Bond. I've read reviews where most people said it's good so I'm really hoping so, otherwise the weight of expectation might do more to kill the film than to actually make it better. You know, when you expect something so much, you set the standard so high that suddenly after you've experienced it, it's only okay and not WOW GREAT EYEPOPPING MINDBLOWING etc. etc. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Medieval Coolness

I'm a satisfied guy. I got received my copy of Medieval 2 in the mail. Yeah so it was released about a month ago, etc. Spare me all that. Do you know how hard it is to actually get something english speaking in Germany? Hell, try working with a German version of Windows. And no, you can't switch the language options from German, despite what others might say, I've tried it with a full plethora of advice and still no go.

Now to the fun part, if blood and gore is your thing. Medieval 2 is based on Rome Total War so fans of that will recognize the main map - Europe - almost immediately. Most of everything works like RTW but there are some little tweaks here and there such as the addition of merchants, and the religious aspect of the game where factions have a say over who gets to be the pope.

I tested it out, and the tutorial starts you off as William the Conqueror at the Battle of Hastings. Pretty normal stuff, not too hard. Harold getting beaned was pretty funny though since nothing seemed to have hit him. I guess heatstroke or something got to him. Anyhow, once done, you can start the main campaign almost fully equipped. As usual, I picked the - what else? - English since I love using Longbows. Nothing like just watching a row of cavalry charging only to get mown down by Longbowmen. Their range is really scary. A few units of those and your castle is almost secure. As long as their arrows don't run out, which is the only downside. But I've always thought it dumb that the besieged side is out of arrows so quickly considering they've got a huge citadel and therefore huge stores with it.

Anyhow, I'm back to Medieval 2 now, and gonna whup me some more French - what else? - ass. Oh, another cute fact, when you click on the units of various nationalities, they speak in cute accents and sometimes, they do have some pretty funny quips as well. This is a good good buy for all you strategy buffs out there.

Simply de-LUSH-ious

Last Saturday we decided to do our Christmas shopping and got these little balls of bath powder/thingamajig from LUSH. I used to not like Lush, mainly because of the initial overpowering smell even before you reach the shop. It's true what they say, that you can smell Lush before you see it. But I realized once you entered the shop and stayed in there for around 5 to 10 minutes, you know what? The smell suddenly doesn't smell so bad after the initial few sniffs. Nonetheless I can only recommend their bath balls. Yups, I'll call them bath balls for lack of a better word.

Growing up in asia, I never understood the need for a bath tub, much less a warm bath since it was already so hot. The bath tub was only for us to fool around in as kids. Over here however, I understand the need for warmth since it's so cold. And that's where Lush comes in for all you self-pampering people out there. Simply drop one ball in the bath, get in and relaaaxxxxxxxxx..........zzzzzzzz *snore*

Psychodelic colours are they not?

Almost Scary

You know, when I'm thinking about it, it's almost scary that another year is about to end, and a new one to begin. Time is beginning to seem like a blur. Experiences are just a simple spot on the mind and then, they're gone. Washed away into a sea of incoherence with only the memories remaining.

On hindsight, sometimes certain decisions in life are best postponed. Of course that's on hindsight because in the middle of the situation, most of the time, we don't know what's going to happen, and what direction to go. Left or right, up or down, no one really knows because each situation is unique, each step is transluscent. You could move upwards and onwards, or you could fall down to rock bottom.

Just been watching some movies I got over from Asia, mainly because they're not retailed in Germany. "She's the Man" starring Amanda Bynes is pretty funny. It's supposed to be a retake of Twelth Night by the Bard of Avon himself. Anyhow, it's a pretty good movie, lots of laughs, light-heartedness and a nice mushy ending as befits such movies. I'm sure Shakespeare would have been proud.

I still haven't got the chance to watch Marie Antoinette because the weather on Sunday was totally blah. Blah - defined as totally beyond any desire to even step out of the flat, and rather to cozy up in a nice warm blanket in the company of one's loved one. Yups, it was a blah weather day. Perhaps next week I'll actually watch a movie. It's not cheap here though, with tickets at 9-10 euroes and what not for parking and popcorn, etc. Total ripoffs these theatres are.

Insomniacs R Us

I'm an insomniac. I hate to admit it, but the way it goes, it seems to be that way. I can't get to sleep until I really force myself to. I'm not sure if everyone feels exactly the same way I do, but until I feel that I've done "something" of worth in the course of the day, I can't get to sleep. Otherwise the day would have just been a waste. You know the feeling, that nagging feeling that something is missing that you've left out. Something that needs to be done, but you've no idea what it is. It gnaws at you from the inside of your brain, asking to be let out.

Maybe it's me pushing myself on when I should be resting, maybe it's me unconsciously being a rebel to the normal conventions of what "should be" and what "could be". I'm trying to undust my thinking cap and starting to write down my dreams again. For 10 years I've kept them locked up, for 10 years I've kept them closed in a cupboard because I never believed or expected or didn't even know how I would get to them. Suddenly the door is open, just a little, but at least it's opened and the way might be cloudy, but at least there's a way at last.

I should comfort myself in the knowledge that no matter what happens, I'm at least moving forward than remaining in stasis. Then I won't regret what I didn't do. Tomorrow the plan is to go shopping in Köln and hopefully I'll buy wifey some nice things to wear. And then catch Marie Antoinette at the movies. I like Sofia Coppola's works and I'm hoping that this will be as good as Lost in Translation. Right, now that I've done something that's been on my mind, I'll try to get to sleep.

Transportation

With all the travelling we do sometimes when the going gets frantic, wifey tends to happily pack some "travelling companions" along. Here's the reality of super-budget-economy.

Look, they've even got a safety belt ^^

Waiting

Waiting is never a really easy thing to do. All the tension, anticipation, excitement, expectation, and all other associated feelings get caught up in the hope of what might be in the future. I hate to wait. I'm not sure about everyone else, but waiting just drives me insane. It's not easy to remain focussed until the time arrives and the waiting is done. Maybe I should prepare a little more. 2 more months till film school starts and I'm already wishing I was doing it right now.

I guess there are a few more things I should do, and by this Sunday, they will be done. First off, is to get a flight to London. No problem, I've got a week to pick and choose, but the earlier the better, so I can get all the administrative details out of the way - such as phone lines, internet, bank accounts, etc. Second, I still need to sort out a flat. I find it a stupid system, but maybe it's because demand is so high that most landlords don't bother much about providing a decent service. I can't even get some of them to email me pictures of the flat. I'm definitely not going to fly up and down each time to view a potential flat. Hopefully, someone can help me out in this area.

It's going to be a great 10 months. Tough, stressful, but good tough and good stressfulness. It's going to be a challenge I'm looking forward to. I should take the chance to relish the rest I've got now and prep myself for the next hurdle. I've been thinking of brushing up my german anyhow, since I've got some time on my hands.
Anyhow, here's some muffins for those of you who're hungry. ^^

Eat ME!!!! :D

Shoes!

I wasn't really sure what to post in the meanwhile because the wedding pics haven't arrived yet. I guess they're still in development. Until then, I've been busy looking after my parents who popped by for the wedding. Now they're off to Zurich, hopefully to see a few new sites. I thought I'd give you all a little tour of my humble abode - of the moment - with a pic here and there. Today's pic is about wifey's shoes collection. This is a partial pic, but well, I tried to make it look as good as possible. Nothing like experimentation to learn.

You can see one of our balconies in the background

Another view of wifey's shoes

3 times in 5 years

Well, I have to say, it's finally sorted. We finally did the church wedding last Saturday and it was a nice day, considering the conditions for the last few days leading up to the wedding and the day after the wedding. We had nice sunshine and relatively warm weather for the ceremony, so much so that many people said that it was pleasant weather.

I was unsure if it would be, because a few hours before, it wasn't looking very good, then I flipped to a verse John 3:16, you know the one which states For God so loved the world he gave us his only Son, etc... and I recalled what my pastor back home said once. That if God didn't withold Jesus from us, then what more all the little things we require in life. That really encouraged me afterwards and the whole day turned out nicely.

So, now I'm married to the same woman 3 times in 5 years. I'm not sure if anyone anywhere else has that record. Such are the things someone with a partner of another culture has to go through sometimes. ^^ But to tell the truth, it was fun and I enjoyed the day. It was a different aspect and experience for me, and I saw the good sides of both types of weddings.

I would post pics of dinner, but I haven't got any pictures of the food yet. Food is important to any celebration because it means either happy or unhappy guests, among other factors. The place we went to was good, and if we required a place to host larger functions, then I'd happily return again. Anyhow, here are some pics of the day from my camera. I'll post more pictures once I get them.

Yes, yes, you can see my butt here

A pic with wifey and her sisters ^^

The beautiful decorations her mom did for us

The Blues?

It's strange. I've been feeling wierd for the last hour or so. I know that I'm going to do a church ceremony to get married - for the 3rd time! - in about 3 hours, but I've got some things in my head. It's wierd I say. I've been married for the last almost 5 years to the perfect wife and yet I have some jitters. Maybe it's because it's a church wedding. Maybe it's before God. I don't see God as an old cranky guy who is going to throw lightning bolts at me if I do something wrong. But the fact that it's a church wedding means that well, there's an added dimension to the entire thing.

There are so many facets to being a man in charge of his family that mind-boggles me. I'm actually declaring responsibility to look after someone. I know I've done it before, but well..........I don't know. It's different this time. Not a bad different, but a different different, if you get what I mean. It's so hard to piece together various fragments of my thoughts and emotions at this point in time. I'm not avoiding it, but I realize from this point on, there are more things that I have to change in my life to be a better person. Not because I want to, but well, because for the future, it would be better.

Now I know what they mean when they say guys can't express themselves as lucidly as girls. Tongued-tied. It's when you say "I do" to marrying this woman for life before God, it's I do for life. For better or for worse. It's that moment all over again - I blame cross cultural relationships for this 3rd wedding, I love them, but the number of weddings is getting close to ridiculous.....

Anyhow, I shouldn't worry so much. Just relax and let it flow and it'll all be ok.

Cookies....Mmm....Yummeh....

I tried my hand at baking cookies. The hapless volunteers stood in rows as they were "prepped" and then shoved straight into the war zone. Not too bad, I might add, after 15 mins in the oven. I'm now proud to declare that I'm a "professional" cookie-maker. Enjoy.

Atten-hut!

All ready to go....into my tummeh!!! *evil laugh*

The Evil has been Purged!

Finally, after 6 months or so of procrastination, well, give or take a few months more, but none less, the evil fish tank is cleaned. Of course it didn't go down easily, because it left a stink and pong that rose to high heaven. It still lingers in my room despite my best room cleaning spray, trying to remind me of what once was. Still, given some time, I expect it to fade soon. Procrastination sucks, that I know. Yet still, I'm guilty of so many counts of it. Sometimes, I'm afraid to face the truth, or just to get my hands dirty to do the deed now instead of letting it accumulate into much more later. Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure. Don't blame me if you can't eat or drink after seeing these. View at your own risk!!!

An evil sight to behold

The Cleaning begins!

Me trying to keep a happy face despite the stench...

And voila!!! A somewhat clean tank. It's a miracle it even got to this stage.

And now, to bed because it's 4am here and I need to wake up early tomorrow. Sigh, I hope I'll last the day tomorrow sorting out some more things for the wedding. >_<

Mundane

You know, for the last few days I haven't been putting any posts on the blog. Not that I don't like to blog or think it a chore, well, sometimes a little bit, when I feel that I absolutely have to post something just to post something to keep the flow up. Otherwise I might just forget about blogging, and then it'll be going, going, gone.

Today, unfortunately, is one of those days. I don't really know what to write because life has been routine, normal, standard, mundane, like any other day. Except unlike Pinky and the Brain, I'm not trying to take over the world. I'm just trying to live my life and wondering where it'll lead me. Sometimes in the impeteousness and idealism of youth, we believe in a perfect end, a perfect middle, and to live the dream we all thought we could have.

Sometimes getting to that dream is a struggle, much like an ant trying to tread water. You've never seen an ant tread water have you? Try putting some in. It's pretty entertaining in the beginning, then it gets boring. You could bait them with food then toss the entire chunk, ants included into the water and watch them all tread water. Callous, cruel, maybe. But well, when I'm bored, I'm bored.

I seek purpose, direction, entertainment. I want to breathe rather than just exist. I want to savour every little breath, to understand life in its fullness. Fullness in life does mean some activity, but not running around the flat cleaning it up non stop. All activities and no stepping back is just work and no consideration.

I've uploaded around maybe 30-40% of my collection into my ipod, so I guess there's more work to be done there. That's best done when I do my blog, right like now, so I'm actually multi-tasking - a word I don't use or actually follow in my real life much. They say guys can't multi-task. I say they're right.

The wedding is coming to a climax soon. So many things to deal with and the icky aquarium still begs for cleaning. And me trying to push it further away, but it doesn't seem like wanting to run away from me, so I better clean it up before my parents get here on Friday, otherwise I'm going to be facing endless nagging. Man, I hate being nagged. It's nothing but torture. No guy wants or loves to be nagged at. So, ladies, there's a tip for you, should you come across this. Guys hate to be nagged at. It's a quick way to get the guy to run off somewhere else. Preferably to another hot chick who won't nag at him, at least in the initial stages of the relationship.

I still have to deal with my accommodation in London. Not too easy, but I managed to get back into contact with Greg, an old study buddy of mine in UK and he helped to put me in the right direction so that should hopefully give me some good points. Blair from WoW also helped me with some good advice so the more advice the better. If you got anything, feel free to drop me a mail and let me know. Thanks in advance!

Ok, my bed calls to me now. See you all whenever I'm gonna post a little something.

Ok, enough typing for today.