The Blues?

It's strange. I've been feeling wierd for the last hour or so. I know that I'm going to do a church ceremony to get married - for the 3rd time! - in about 3 hours, but I've got some things in my head. It's wierd I say. I've been married for the last almost 5 years to the perfect wife and yet I have some jitters. Maybe it's because it's a church wedding. Maybe it's before God. I don't see God as an old cranky guy who is going to throw lightning bolts at me if I do something wrong. But the fact that it's a church wedding means that well, there's an added dimension to the entire thing.

There are so many facets to being a man in charge of his family that mind-boggles me. I'm actually declaring responsibility to look after someone. I know I've done it before, but well..........I don't know. It's different this time. Not a bad different, but a different different, if you get what I mean. It's so hard to piece together various fragments of my thoughts and emotions at this point in time. I'm not avoiding it, but I realize from this point on, there are more things that I have to change in my life to be a better person. Not because I want to, but well, because for the future, it would be better.

Now I know what they mean when they say guys can't express themselves as lucidly as girls. Tongued-tied. It's when you say "I do" to marrying this woman for life before God, it's I do for life. For better or for worse. It's that moment all over again - I blame cross cultural relationships for this 3rd wedding, I love them, but the number of weddings is getting close to ridiculous.....

Anyhow, I shouldn't worry so much. Just relax and let it flow and it'll all be ok.