Belief
I used to play lots of MMORPG's. It's a short form of Massive Multiplayer Online Rope Playing Game. But saying that would be a handful, so we just say MMORPGs to ease the load. Then we decided that this term, too, expended more energy than necessary. Thus we call them now MMOs.
While playing in one of them, I did the role of a Guild Master (Mistress if you're female) AKA the GM of a guild. It wasn't easy, it wasn't all roses and a smooth road. You have to think hard and lead over 50 yelling screaming people of all ages so to speak. Some are mature, some not so, some are old, most are young. Thing is, it got too stressful at one point and I decided to call it quits. Some things are more important than others in my book, and I had my fill of gaming already to last me for a few lifetimes.
The topic is called "Belief". I never took myself to be a good leader, or a super capable one, as some said I was. I was no super planner when it came to raids. Raids are huge groups (mine was up to 40) that go together into an instance ie. a seperate part of the game world to kill bosses and get good items. But still we got to places we only dreamt about. While most people attribute it to the leader, I would attribute it to the group. I always maintained that I believed that the people I raided with were good enough, no matter what some others might have said. Maybe that brought out the best in them, maybe it made them know they could do it. In the end I wanted them to be happy. To enjoy the game maybe at the cost of my own happiness.
The point is, it is easy to believe in others, yet fail when it comes to believing in yourself. It is easy to say that's not a problem for me when to someone else the situation is dire. I can say with total confidence that I'm scared that I won't be able to get the money for film school and the associated expenses. The thoughts fly in my mind daily, hourly, constantly. It's not fun, thinking of how to fulfill your dream, to be tormented by it. So close yet so far. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have no idea whether anyone feels this way sometimes, but for me, I looked back into my childhood for the root and there it was. Staring right at me. Waiting. Snarling.
Life as an asian kid is not fun by any standards. Least note in a competitive climate that is Singapore where you are taught from young that everyone else while being a friend, is also your competitor of sorts. Whether it be in school tests, or art classes, literary knowledge, anything. Everything was a competition to most of us. It wasn't fun. Maybe it was just the way of the government to teach us the rat race at an early age.
You had to do Extra-Curricular Activities (outside normal school time) in school so as to have a well-rounded education. As if that was not enough, parents would send their children to music school, art school, dancing school, cooking school, etc. Not fun. Not for a child trying to just enjoy childhood and having adulthood thrust straight into his face. To hold onto the parental expectation that their kid was a wonder child, to be able to score straight As in every exam, was not easy. Too often the punishment for "bad" grades ie. less than an A would be the cane. Then there would be the words. "You're not good enough", "You're a disgrace to the family", "How can you do so badly?", etc etc etc. No way to build up a child's self esteem in the real world when he has lost it at home already.
Belief. Self-Belief. I'm scared I lost it long ago and can't get it back. This is the beginning of my personal trek to reclaiming it.
50000 Euros. It seems big, but it's not. If 50000 people gave me 1 euro each, I would have enough for film school. Think 100000 people giving 50 cents each. Point of fact is, it's not impossible. Anything is possible. I just have to believe.
With God all things are possible. --Mark 10:27
God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think! Ephesians 3:20
While playing in one of them, I did the role of a Guild Master (Mistress if you're female) AKA the GM of a guild. It wasn't easy, it wasn't all roses and a smooth road. You have to think hard and lead over 50 yelling screaming people of all ages so to speak. Some are mature, some not so, some are old, most are young. Thing is, it got too stressful at one point and I decided to call it quits. Some things are more important than others in my book, and I had my fill of gaming already to last me for a few lifetimes.
The topic is called "Belief". I never took myself to be a good leader, or a super capable one, as some said I was. I was no super planner when it came to raids. Raids are huge groups (mine was up to 40) that go together into an instance ie. a seperate part of the game world to kill bosses and get good items. But still we got to places we only dreamt about. While most people attribute it to the leader, I would attribute it to the group. I always maintained that I believed that the people I raided with were good enough, no matter what some others might have said. Maybe that brought out the best in them, maybe it made them know they could do it. In the end I wanted them to be happy. To enjoy the game maybe at the cost of my own happiness.
The point is, it is easy to believe in others, yet fail when it comes to believing in yourself. It is easy to say that's not a problem for me when to someone else the situation is dire. I can say with total confidence that I'm scared that I won't be able to get the money for film school and the associated expenses. The thoughts fly in my mind daily, hourly, constantly. It's not fun, thinking of how to fulfill your dream, to be tormented by it. So close yet so far. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have no idea whether anyone feels this way sometimes, but for me, I looked back into my childhood for the root and there it was. Staring right at me. Waiting. Snarling.
Life as an asian kid is not fun by any standards. Least note in a competitive climate that is Singapore where you are taught from young that everyone else while being a friend, is also your competitor of sorts. Whether it be in school tests, or art classes, literary knowledge, anything. Everything was a competition to most of us. It wasn't fun. Maybe it was just the way of the government to teach us the rat race at an early age.
You had to do Extra-Curricular Activities (outside normal school time) in school so as to have a well-rounded education. As if that was not enough, parents would send their children to music school, art school, dancing school, cooking school, etc. Not fun. Not for a child trying to just enjoy childhood and having adulthood thrust straight into his face. To hold onto the parental expectation that their kid was a wonder child, to be able to score straight As in every exam, was not easy. Too often the punishment for "bad" grades ie. less than an A would be the cane. Then there would be the words. "You're not good enough", "You're a disgrace to the family", "How can you do so badly?", etc etc etc. No way to build up a child's self esteem in the real world when he has lost it at home already.
Belief. Self-Belief. I'm scared I lost it long ago and can't get it back. This is the beginning of my personal trek to reclaiming it.
50000 Euros. It seems big, but it's not. If 50000 people gave me 1 euro each, I would have enough for film school. Think 100000 people giving 50 cents each. Point of fact is, it's not impossible. Anything is possible. I just have to believe.
With God all things are possible. --Mark 10:27
God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think! Ephesians 3:20
posted by Dippers at 9:49 PM
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