Leap of Faith
Sitting down here with my ever faithful cup noodles in hand, I just thought about something. Life is a matter of choices. Whether I choose to stay where I am or choose to move on, I'm still making a choice. Making a non-commital choice is still a choice nonetheless. Which suddenly explains to me why I've been going around in circles the last 5 or so years. I had no idea that living in apathy was probably the worst choice of all.
Of course I could say the situation sucked, or it was a bad time for a graduate. But truth to say, I never really knew what I wanted. And worst of all, I didn't know how to find it in a land where I was a foreigner, did not know the language, and did not know the culture. I only knew that it was impractical to stay back home in asia when I still had some wanderlust in me, and that me and wifey would be financially insecure without any jobs. Here at least she had a job already. I always maintained that the best successes come after the hardest struggles - sometimes against the situation, sometimes against my own self.
I am my very own worst enemy. I see myself in the mirror and I go, why did I do *that* again? But I guess many of you have that feeling too. They say God takes you to the mountaintop to show you the promise, then puts you back in the valley so you develop yourself to fulfill the plan He has for you. All I know is that the word "circular" comes to mind. Now I realize how the children of Israel felt walking around in the desert.
They walked because of unbelief because they refused to believe that God was willing to give them their promised land. They refused to believe that they could just go up and take it. Faith moves God. Faith pleases God. Faith opens the doors for us. I'm faced with 2 roads to walk. 2 paths to travel. The safe path, or the unknown path into the darkness. But the safe path is dead to my spirit. It doesn't excite me. I understand we're all built differently, but this is me. Safe is not good in some situations. It's up to each of us to recognize our own situation.
So I pick the path where darkness is at the end because I don't know where or what I'll do. And I slowly begin to understand that unless I trust Him, I'm not going to get through this in one piece. Maybe this is what's meant by the valley of death in Psalms 23. You walk with total uncertainty. Yet it says that He is with us every step of the way. And the end of the Psalm ends well with a promise - "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."
The irony is that to walk in supposed death leads to life, and that the road that leads to safety leads to death on the inside. Maybe that's how God works. I really don't know too much about it. I'm still learning slowly myself.
I remember Jacob was touched by God on the hip so he could no walk straight and had to use a crutch. This is symbolic of man needing to depend on God. Sometimes, I need to use that crutch a little more than I'm currently doing right now. It's amazing how everything is coming together for us now that we've finally decided to stop being apathetic and do something about it.
Whenever I'm worried or afraid like a child, this Psalm would always encourage me and let me know that there is a way out, that there will be an end to the valley and I'll come back out onto the mountain.
PS - blur me, the Pastor answered my email but I didn't check it before Sunday. Now we'll meet up with him this Sunday and hopefully, everything will work out good.
Of course I could say the situation sucked, or it was a bad time for a graduate. But truth to say, I never really knew what I wanted. And worst of all, I didn't know how to find it in a land where I was a foreigner, did not know the language, and did not know the culture. I only knew that it was impractical to stay back home in asia when I still had some wanderlust in me, and that me and wifey would be financially insecure without any jobs. Here at least she had a job already. I always maintained that the best successes come after the hardest struggles - sometimes against the situation, sometimes against my own self.
I am my very own worst enemy. I see myself in the mirror and I go, why did I do *that* again? But I guess many of you have that feeling too. They say God takes you to the mountaintop to show you the promise, then puts you back in the valley so you develop yourself to fulfill the plan He has for you. All I know is that the word "circular" comes to mind. Now I realize how the children of Israel felt walking around in the desert.
They walked because of unbelief because they refused to believe that God was willing to give them their promised land. They refused to believe that they could just go up and take it. Faith moves God. Faith pleases God. Faith opens the doors for us. I'm faced with 2 roads to walk. 2 paths to travel. The safe path, or the unknown path into the darkness. But the safe path is dead to my spirit. It doesn't excite me. I understand we're all built differently, but this is me. Safe is not good in some situations. It's up to each of us to recognize our own situation.
So I pick the path where darkness is at the end because I don't know where or what I'll do. And I slowly begin to understand that unless I trust Him, I'm not going to get through this in one piece. Maybe this is what's meant by the valley of death in Psalms 23. You walk with total uncertainty. Yet it says that He is with us every step of the way. And the end of the Psalm ends well with a promise - "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."
The irony is that to walk in supposed death leads to life, and that the road that leads to safety leads to death on the inside. Maybe that's how God works. I really don't know too much about it. I'm still learning slowly myself.
I remember Jacob was touched by God on the hip so he could no walk straight and had to use a crutch. This is symbolic of man needing to depend on God. Sometimes, I need to use that crutch a little more than I'm currently doing right now. It's amazing how everything is coming together for us now that we've finally decided to stop being apathetic and do something about it.
Whenever I'm worried or afraid like a child, this Psalm would always encourage me and let me know that there is a way out, that there will be an end to the valley and I'll come back out onto the mountain.
PS - blur me, the Pastor answered my email but I didn't check it before Sunday. Now we'll meet up with him this Sunday and hopefully, everything will work out good.
posted by Dippers at 1:06 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home