Lazy me

I'm kind of getting lazy blogging. There's so much to do, that blogging just takes a back seat to it all. Since starting my latest project - the film company, I've just spent some time thinking and doing - trying to find ways and means to sell, reach out to my target market(s), and assorted other activities that come along with running one's own business. Read - accounting.

I hate accounting. I was never fond of numbers - and still am not fond of numbers. Of course rattling off numbers from the top of my head isn't hard, since we were drilled the multiplication and division tables as kids when we were in school. Robots we were taught to be, and maybe robots, we've become. It's sad when the world forces us to change, rather than the other way round. As far as I'm concerned, when I have kids, they are probably in all certainty not going to study in Singapore. The education system is too rigid, and frankly, there's much better quality of life in terms of childhood over here in Europe.

Here, kids can play, and be themselves and find out what it is they are good at and what not. Instead of being pigeonholed into certain "key" professions. Sure, as society progresses, it goes up the pyramid of important professions. I'm not kicking standard stuff like being a doctor, engineer, business person, etc. We need people like that, otherwise how will society function? But I would really like to see more acceptance of people who've chosen to go into a more "alternative" career choice, like myself. We were all made differently, with different sets of skills, and only when we come together are we all able to appreciate the fullness and richness that comes from diversity.

Why am I talking about this? Frankly, I really don't know. Call it a simple literary flow. I write, nay, type - writing has now been superseded by typing since the advent of the computer. And I just try to let what's inside out.

A paragraph a day, might keep the doctor away. :D

Destiny?

The next 48 hours will probably be a very interesting time for me. Scared to face it, maybe, but going nonetheless. I figure it's a no-lose situation. Whatever people have done, I guess it's already been done.

Flying back to London to screen the film I made in school as my final project, I have no idea what to expect.

I guess then, that I better focus on the positive and not think about the negative because so often we build up the giants in our mind when the giants are nothing but figments of our imagination. We are able to make them disappear with but a thought, but that thought that we should dispel, instead takes us captive and we are subservient to it.

So I will go and face whatever outcome there is up front. There are some battles that we all go through. Everyone faces different fights in life. Maybe I won't face yours today, but tomorrow I will and vice-versa.

So, to London then, and hopefully, destiny will beckon somehow, if only for the next step. And I will be more than content.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Oft-quoted, but never really taken to heart.

My Hands

The point of no return.

No idea when I'd hit that stage. I guess not many people do either. I've taken stock of what I've done so far and it kind of amounts to - nada zip zilch. Intrinsic to every person, I believe is a desire to want to be counted for something by someone, whether be it significant, or not so significant. But something, nonetheless. Be it a kind word, encouragement, perhaps a foundation for someone's future.

I don't know but I'm looking at myself at the moment. And what do I see?

Not much. No, not much at all. Strange that I used to be forced into a structured life, and hating it. And now into a formless life, and not really enjoying it. Difficult? Maybe. Crazy? Probably. I don't know. I guess once anyone hits a point and looks into their hands and wonders "What can I do? I don't have anything much to offer" it kinds of spirals into self doubt and despair.

I'm not one for instant miracles, to tell the truth. Sometimes you hope, and you wonder, and then you doubt and then you forget. Like the passing of time. Ashes.

Still, miracles are often written down so that we do not forget.

What's a miracle? Something amazing? Out of this world? Or just something simple, that brings a smile to your everyday life? I've no clue. I guess the definition of the word is subject to your circumstance.

So, looking at my hands. What do I have. 2 hands, 10 fingers, and I must develop the will to choose to apply them to my situation. Something sorely lacking.

I hated structure, and loved the unpredictability of life. Now I find that I need to return to that structure within the whirlwind that is life before I can be unpredictable.

They always said in film school, learn the rules and know them, then you'll know how to break them. Seems like I always wanted to get ahead of myself and break them without knowing them.

Basic fundamentals.

I'm probably rambling, but that's ok since this is my blog and I write for my peace of mind and not anyone elses'.

I've got 2 hands, and some knowledge. I have some projects I'm working on. I don't know if they'll bear fruit in the future and provide a return, but then again, if I don't try, I really won't know.

8 week film project

I've just finished shooting my 8 week film project and it was a great experience. Of course I had to over complicate the matter by over worrying too much about the characters and stuff. Problem is that how much can you show of a character in 5 mins? How much of a message can you put into it? I think I got too bothered or worried after about how our character teacher told us to make 3 dimensional characters and that really got me quite frustrated, working and reworking the story.

But I guess this is the fallacy of an asian upbringing. We're taught to do things as the teachers want it to be. If you don't answer the question, you fail. In film, there is no right or wrong, just whether one likes or does not like the end product. We're told that so many times by our teachers here - most of whom are great teachers - but some push us, like me, into thinking too much about something simple. So I'm crossing my fingers that everything in my shots will turn out alright and that I'll have enough material to get my film done.

What I've always had in my head was that people in europe/america are so creative and less about asians because by nature we're seen as just machines slogging it away in the factories and sweatshops. I don't think that's true anymore, but I think it's because we've been so stuck into the pass/fail set answer system that we're not allowed to think outside of the box. I believe that we need to do that and screw anyone that says that's wrong simply because they can't or don't think about it as viable. Creativity should not be hindered in any way, even if it's passe or if someone's just "borrowing" someone's material as a jumping off point.

I liked the scene in 'Finding Forrester' where Sean Connery's character allowed the kid in the film - I can't remember the actor's name anymore - to use his material to start off. Every story's been told already, it's just how we choose to retell it with our own twist included.

The irony of being in a Film School. There's so much work and assignments that I haven't even had time to actually go to a cinema and see a film - a fact so far that's lamented by all of us. But no matter, I'm sure the chance will come eventually. One film I'm definitely going to see when it's released is the last part of Pirates of the Caribbean if only for Chow Yuen Fatt's character.

Church-wise, I'm been popping down to Hillsongs London which is located next to my school in the center of London and it's been great everytime I've managed to get time off film shoots to attend the services. They have this great projection screen which shows clips and pictures when praise and worship songs are sung and sadly, I sometime find myself trying to figure out how they did some of their shots than on the praise and worship itself. But on the plus side, it's given me lots of great ideas as well to try and implement in some of my films later on,

Now all that's left to do is edit my rushes - ie. shot footage - next week and prepare 3 plot lines/stories for my 16 week project. This'll be my first dialogue piece and I'm hoping everything will fall into place.