At peace

When I recline in my chair, close my eyes, and let the soft music surround me, I'm at peace. Away from the problems or thoughts that swirl around in my head. Sometimes, I really think that I think too much. My friends say I'm too much of a thinker. So does my family. I don't really see it as thinking too much, rather as analyzing the problem from all angles.

What I never realized is that in trying to keep myself safe from worry, I end up worrying about "might-bes" or "could-bes" and things that have a minute chance of happening. All that for the sake of being safe, I cause myself needless stress. It's so true what they say, your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness. I've sat down sometimes, preparing for job interviews and reading up on potential questions interviewers could ask the interviewees ie. me.

The question that stumped me most was always this question. It was never what do you want to be? Or where do you see yourself in 10 years' time. It was always what's your greatest strength and your greatest weakness. The irony that is strength can be a weakness. There's an oxymoron if I ever saw one.

Nonetheless, in my case at least, I find it oh-so-true. While I think I can see some problems developing two to three steps away if I implement a plan, I often think too much about the "what if" it happens. Foresight is good. Dwelling on half-facts isn't. It turns my actions into inactions. Motion into paralysis. Enthusiasm into fear. I need to really learn to go with the flow more. Learn to laugh when it's funny, learn to cry when it's sad. Often at sad scenes, or potentially heart wrenching scenes, (when someone you are connected to in a movie for example, dies - unless it's Leonardo Dicaprio. That's a cause for joy. That's for all the Titanic Movies I had to watch ><) I'd just choose not to watch them. Choose not to get too emotionally involved. Distance is good I'd tell myself. Distance is safe. Distance is also the fear of intimacy. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being accepted for who you are in the eyes of those you want to be close to.

I get passionate about things I love, things that interest me, and I throw myself into it 110%. However, while things get done quick, and fast, I tend to overdo it. And soon the passion turns into drudgery. The enthusiasm turns into duty. The freshness is gone. Just the stale crumbs remain. That's not good for anything. Worst part is, I never notice it coming. Creeping up behind me. Pouncing. If you read Calvin and Hobbes you'll recognize this. I want everything I do to be fresh. Inspired. Divine.

Sometimes, I need to put a STOP button in my own life. To appreciate life. To see the trees for the forest and not the forest for the trees. Time has an ability to stop when you sit down and appreciate it. Talking with close friends, laughing joking, savouring fine wine, taking a breath of fresh air, or even breathtaking scenery. Time almost literally stops when you're at peace.


Of all the things in the world, I think some of us are lucky to be blessed with peace in one way or another. You turn on the news, and all you get is about the middle east, or another terror plot, etc. Not exactly peace. I, for one, have to learn to appreciate it more. The things I would like to have. Peace in my mind, peace in my thoughts, my home, my family, my life.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The bible verses I put down here after some posts, it's to encourage myself continually. If it works for you, then that's good to know. If you're practicing another religion, just know that I'm not imposing anything on you. Everyone is free to believe what they want. Peace out! :D Corny, I know, but what the hey! ^^