Take My Hand
Last night I was unable to really get to bed and close my eyes. Some thoughts kept popping up around the perimeters of my mind after I had surfed some sites about the film industry. Some were saying of hard it is to enter the industry, some were speaking of the abuse of those who managed to enter it, and some were just plain discouraging. It's not easy to get to sleep when my mind had taken in all those sites and their content, and remain optimistic about my own chances of making it there. Then the fear started to creep into my system and I started to think.
"Will I make it? Is this how it has to be to start from the very bottom again?"
"I've got a family to feed and a responsiblity as a husband to fulfill. Is this the path I'm supposed to walk down?"
Trust me, it's not easy talking the talk when you've committed to yourself, your life and that of your family's when you choose to walk the walk. I might have stood there then listening but not knowing, but now I slowly understood what it meant to walk it. The steps are painful, the fears are all too real. It comes out of the shadows and tries to grasp away any hope still clinging onto the belief of success against all odds.
I feel totally peaceful about the finances part. I really believe with all my heart that it's all sorted for me. It's the final step to put my name on the dotted line and to commit myself to this course for the rest of my life that still tries to poke fear at me. The monetary outlay is not too bad because money can always be earned back. The thought of entering a profession which might have no future, on the other hand, is a heavy burden to bear. I am at an age where I cannot make a mistake.
So, I grabbed my guitar and went to my corner and just spent some time in prayer. It was either that or not sleeping. And you know what, God is good. A verse from my childhood school days popped in my head. At least the beginning did, and I went online to dig out the rest of it. Online bibles are great. I usually use www.biblegateway.com because it allows you to search through different versions of the bible in all languages.
Anyhow, the verse was Proverbs 3:5-6 -
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight
In other words, don't think so much. Don't worry, be happy. Don't think of what might be because the future is still not here. Just take one day at a time focusing on Him. My eyes can't look two places at one time. So it's either God or the problem. Just to trust and not worry. I remember my pastor back home saying when we pray it's no longer our problem but it's God's problem because we've given it to Him. And if we still try to fix it ourselves, God can't do anything because we still want to fix it. We have to let go. I have to let go of my future to get my future. It's strange. It's against all my logic in my head. But it's the only way I've got at this point in time.
A child looks at his father and depends on him for all things because he can do nothing on his own. I need to learn to just be a child again.
"Will I make it? Is this how it has to be to start from the very bottom again?"
"I've got a family to feed and a responsiblity as a husband to fulfill. Is this the path I'm supposed to walk down?"
Trust me, it's not easy talking the talk when you've committed to yourself, your life and that of your family's when you choose to walk the walk. I might have stood there then listening but not knowing, but now I slowly understood what it meant to walk it. The steps are painful, the fears are all too real. It comes out of the shadows and tries to grasp away any hope still clinging onto the belief of success against all odds.
I feel totally peaceful about the finances part. I really believe with all my heart that it's all sorted for me. It's the final step to put my name on the dotted line and to commit myself to this course for the rest of my life that still tries to poke fear at me. The monetary outlay is not too bad because money can always be earned back. The thought of entering a profession which might have no future, on the other hand, is a heavy burden to bear. I am at an age where I cannot make a mistake.
So, I grabbed my guitar and went to my corner and just spent some time in prayer. It was either that or not sleeping. And you know what, God is good. A verse from my childhood school days popped in my head. At least the beginning did, and I went online to dig out the rest of it. Online bibles are great. I usually use www.biblegateway.com because it allows you to search through different versions of the bible in all languages.
Anyhow, the verse was Proverbs 3:5-6 -
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight
In other words, don't think so much. Don't worry, be happy. Don't think of what might be because the future is still not here. Just take one day at a time focusing on Him. My eyes can't look two places at one time. So it's either God or the problem. Just to trust and not worry. I remember my pastor back home saying when we pray it's no longer our problem but it's God's problem because we've given it to Him. And if we still try to fix it ourselves, God can't do anything because we still want to fix it. We have to let go. I have to let go of my future to get my future. It's strange. It's against all my logic in my head. But it's the only way I've got at this point in time.
A child looks at his father and depends on him for all things because he can do nothing on his own. I need to learn to just be a child again.
posted by Dippers at 12:48 AM
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